Dear Mr Simmons,
I am writing to inquire about relationship with Miss Watson. I tried sending this to you about an hour after I found out.. But don’t rush, Sir, not knowing things like this allows me more time to read Feltson fics. Yes, things in my world are going swimmingly. I’m a shipper just like everyone that follows me, even the Radson kids like me. I’m also the darling of every Rupert/Emma shipper I run into and the favorite of any Tom fan who has sense. Oh, and most importantly, I have mastered the reading of all Feltson fics! Yes, yes, I admit I was a late bloomer, but you can imagine my pride as I strolled on to tumblr and said, “Oh, hello magical folk! Darlings, sorry for my tardiness. I was just learning how to read Feltson.” Oh, how the children laughed with me in celebration. I like making people laugh. I also like Feltson. I know you haven’t realized it yet, but feel free to understand Emma needs to be with Tom. Hugs and butterfly kisses, some fans. P.S. tell Jade to bugger off.